Without You
by twilightchica17
Summary: She thought her life was over but he saved her. Drama and romance ensue. Can he put the peices together of her broken heart?
1. Chapter 1

A/N:this is my first story and i'm not much of a witer but i hope you guys like it. I wouls appreciate soem reviews. Enjoy!

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Chapter 1

A small body lay lifeless in my arms. Her tiny fingers were wrapped in mine except they didn't feel how they should have…they were so cold. She was the most beautiful thing I ever laid eyes on, with her black hair and pale skin.

Zachary was the perfect man. He was such a gentleman and I couldn't have asked for a better husband. Just when I thought things couldn't get any better, I found out I was pregnant. Our world was now perfect and we were in bliss. Zachary would go with me to the doctor and take such good care of me.

I couldn't understand how this happened. She was a part of me for nine months, and in a matter or minutes she was gone form this world. I felt as if a part of me was missing…a part that I couldn't get back. All I could think about was being with my beautiful baby girl again. I was going to name her Isabella after my sister, who passed away when she was young.

The doctor kept apologizing to me. He said he wished he could have done more for my little girl. I wasn't angry with him I just wished he would just go away and leave me in my sorrow. I was in so much pain, not just physically but mentally. I was weaving in and out of consciousness. Oh how I wished it would stop…that I would close my eyes and not wake up. I wanted it all to end. I wanted to tell the doctor to end my misery, it was the least he could do.

Six months after Isabella's death, I was still struggling with coping. It was hard for me to get out of bed and do the day to day things that housewives were supposed to do. Zachary returned to work three months after it happened and it was so hard for him to leave me. I could tell he wanted to be there for me but I think it was too late. No one could help me now.

I went for a walk one morning. The sun was shining bright and I wanted to go to the cliff by our home to take a look at the ocean. I hadn't been able to return to that cliff. I had taken many walks there when I was pregnant with Isabella.

I reached the cliff and was taken aback. I had forgotten how beautiful the view was. While I was there standing on the cliff, I was overcome with a feeling of such complacency. I suddenly felt an inner peace and my heart didn't ache anymore. It was then that I knew what I had to do. I think I knew all along that I would do it but these emotions helped me prepare myself for what I was about to do.

I whispered, "I love you Zachary. I'll be with you soon my dear Isabella." I just let go of my entire body over the side of the cliff. I felt so free…like I was flying. Then I hit the water, and I went into unconsciousness.

I thought I was dead. I was laying on something soft but then I heard voices and realized my plan had failed. I could hear a man's voice saying, "Hello, can you hear me? Do you know where you are, miss?"

"No," I replied, although I had a feeling I knew.

I opened my eyes and saw a man standing over me. He had on a white doctor's jacket. Even through my deliriousness I could see he was beautiful but different. I heard him say to the nurse "she has massive hemorrhaging, she's not going to make it." I don't know what came over me, perhaps it was the medication but I told the doctor, "Help me, please."

Next thing I knew he shut the door and locked it. He told me "Please don't scream." I felt him bite my neck and then an immense feeling of pain spread through my entire body. I wanted to scream but for some reason I wanted to obey the doctor. The pain was so terrible, I kept asking the doctor to end it. He kept telling me in a soothing and gentle voice that it would be all over soon.

I wove in and out of consciousness. I'm not exactly sure for how long but when I woke up I was in a bedroom of a place that I did not recognize.

The room was decorated ornately but not overdone. I could hear the voice of the doctor and the voice of another male. I had an immense burning in my throat and didn't know what this meant.

The doctor asked me "How are you feeling?"

"I'm ok now, just a little thirsty. Could I have some water?"

"I don't really think that would help. I have something I need to explain to you. My name is Carlisle Cullen. I was your doctor at the hospital. You told me to save you so I did everything in my ability to do so. So, I turned you into a vampire, like me…hold on, let me show you something."

He went out of the room and returned with a mirror.

"Here, take a look."

I look the mirror from him and just noticed the color of my skin. It was so pale, almost translucent-looking. Then I look in the mirror and the reflection I saw in the mirror did not look familiar. "I look like you now. I'm so beautiful."

He just smiled and said, "Come, we have a lot to talk about."

He told me everything from the moment our neighbor found me, to the moment I arrived at the hospital. He told me I kept saying "Isabella," "Please, help me," and "I'm not ready." He also told me what it meant that he had bitten me and then I felt the immense pain…it meant I had become a vampire. He told me I couldn't be around people for a while, until I could control my thirst. He told me Zachary thought I was dead because he snuck me out of the hospital.

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Reviews would be greatly appreciated!!!


	2. Chapter 2

Six months after Isabella's death, I was still struggling with it. There was no way I could go back to the life I had before all this happened. I knew that and I wasn't afraid. I thought I was ready to be with Isabella, but I was very wrong. I was glad Carlisle saved me…I would have a second chance, I would get to start over.

I knew it was wrong of me to do this to Zachary after we had just lost Isabella, but I couldn't go back to being a housewife. I couldn't return to that house. There were so many painful memories. I just couldn't stand it. I hoped deep down that Zachary would eventually forgive me even though I know he'd never know what I'd done. I just couldn't handle the pain…it was too much.

Carlisle was indeed a vampire but he was somehow used to the smell of blood and loved being a doctor. Apparently, I wasn't the only patient he's saved. The other male voice I heard belonged to his 'son' Edward, whom had also been his patient a year before."

When I was well enough to stand up, Carlisle gave me a tour of the house and told me I could choose whichever spare bedroom I wanted. I thought it was odd that he was so nice. I was a bit suspicious and thought that he might want something from me later, which he was not getting. I would have to keep an eye on him.

The house was very elegant but not overdone, quite like the bedroom I woke up in, which I assume was Carlisle's. It had an amazing yard which would look even better with a garden. There was a beautiful weeping willow towards the back of the yard that would look amazing if it had a bench to sit underneath it.

Carlisle told me bits and pieces of vampire life. I guess as it came up, he would tell me details I needed to know. One day I was going to go outside for the first time since I had become a vampire and Carlisle stopped me. He explained to me that our skin is different from everyone else's in the sun. It looks oddly shimmery, like we have bits of glitter in our skin. He told me to make sure there isn't anyone around when I go outside in the sun. Vampires mostly go out at night so they don't have to worry about the sunlight.

Luckily the house was a bit secluded, so we could hunt without being noticed and we could come out in the day without causing a panic.

I was in my bedroom reading when I heard Carlisle and the other male voice. I heard a knock at the door.

"Come in," I answered.

"Esme, do you have a minute? I would like you to meet my son Edward." said Carlisle.

"Sure," I replied. It's not like I was doing anything important.

I had heard the story of how Edward had the Spanish influenza and Carlisle saved him on the request of his dying mother.

"Nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you." I replied

"Nice to meet you too, Esme."

Edward was just as good-looking as his father. He had the same pale skin and bronze colored-eyes. It just occurred to me that their eyes were a different color from mine.

"Carlisle, why are Edward and your eyes that color and mine are black?

"That is because you are a newborn…a new vampire. As you start to hunt they will change color. That is, if you follow our special diet. Edward and I do not drink human blood. We only drink animal blood."

"Really? That's a relief. I was a bit worried about what I would feed on. I also wanted to ask you why most of the rooms don't have a bed? Do you both sleep comfortably on the futons?"

"Oh I forgot to tell you, we don't sleep."

"At all?

"No, so we have no use for beds. They take up unnecessary room. If you would like one, I could get you one."

"No, that's okay. I was just wondering."

"Well, I'm off to run some errands. Edward, would you like to come?

"No thank you, Carlisle," Edward replied.

It was going to take me a while to get used to this "vampire thing." As Carlisle walked away I couldn't help but stare at his perfectly formed body. He was quite good-looking and nicely built.

Edward remained in the hallway after Carlisle walked away.

"Esme, could I talk to you?"

"Sure Edward, come in."

"I know this is hard for you. After everything you've been through and then having to get used to this life. It can't be easy for you. If you need help with anything just let me know."

I could not believe Carlisle told him what happened to me.

"Esme, I know you don't like that Carlisle told me what happened. I don't blame you. That is your business. But I do know and I want you to know I'm here if you need anything."

"But how…"

"I'm guessing Carlisle didn't tell you my special gift. I can read minds. It must be a vampire thing. I didn't have any special abilities when I was human. It does have its upside, though."

"Wow, I wonder if I have any special gifts. Do all vampires have one or just you?"

"As far as I know, just me."

"Wow, that's amazing. And you can read everyone's minds?

"Yes, everyone. I think it will be good for Carlisle to have a female companion. I know you're attracted to him."

I think if I could have blushed, I would have.

"Well, he is very attractive but don't go getting any ideas."

"Yes, Esme."

I couldn't believe Edward could read minds. I would have to be more careful with my thoughts around him. I did worry about what he said though, about Carlisle needing a female companion. Is that why he changed me? Did he expect us to end up together? Well, if he did, he was going to be very disappointed. I think we both have I bit too much baggage to be in a relationship.

The first time I went hunting with Carlisle, the idea repulsed me. I couldn't imagine harming any creature but I understood it was either this or humans. I was willing to kill an animal in the place of a human.

After hunting a few times, I noticed my eyes slowly started changing color. They went from a black color to a bronze color. Carlisle said I was very unique because most new vampires have a thirst for quite some time. I only had it for about a week and then it slowly subsided. He said I had a very unique gift…compassion and caring. He said that is probably why I didn't slip up and get tempted to kill a human…because I could never harm a living human being. We had a close call one time when we were hunting. There was a couple camping in the woods and Carlisle and Edward thought I would attack them but I wasn't even tempted. The idea alone of killing a human being repulsed me.

Every time we went hunting, I couldn't help watching Carlisle. He was so graceful yet so athletic. I could tell beneath his clothes he had a muscular abdomen and nice biceps. I think he caught me looking at him few times but I would just pretend to be looking at something else. Good thing I couldn't blush or that would be a dead give away. I felt so guilty looking at Carlisle when I still loved Zachary. I knew I would have to get over him, there was no way we could be together and I had to accept it.

Even though I had decided I couldn't be a housewife anymore, that's kind of what my role was in this household. I didn't mind because I figured Carlisle was putting a roof over my head, so it was the least I could do.

One day, Carlisle came home from the hospital in a pretty bad mood.

"Esme, I need to talk to you."

"What is it Carlisle?"

"I've been thinking…you seem to have your appetite well under control. You're ready to be out on you own."

I didn't understand…I was so confused. It was good news but he looked so upset as he said it. Did he want me to leave? Is he trying to hint to me that I'm no longer welcome?

I think the look on my face gave it away because he replied, "I'm not kicking you out or anything, I'm just letting you know that if you wish to leave, you're ready. You can start your life now."

"I'm not ready to leave. If its ok with you, I'd like to stay longer."

A look of relief crossed his face. I had to ask…"Do you want me to leave, Carlisle?"

"Of course not, as long as you want to stay, you are welcome."

Well, that didn't really give me mush insight into how he was really feeling but in the meantime, it would have to do.

I was in my room about a month after my transformation when I suddenly realized it was Zachary's birthday. Oh, how I wished I had something to remember him by. A photograph, of any little thing would have been nice.

A few months after living with Carlisle and Edward, I found that we were a bit like a family. Edward would go to school in the morning and I would see him off and wish him a good day. Carlisle had the night shifts at the hospital but he would spend his days in his study so I didn't see much of him. I would tend to the house, doing the cleaning and gardening, and anything that needed tending to.

I found that I quite liked living with them even though there was nothing going on between Carlisle and I. Oh, how I wished there was. He was such a good man. I had to admit I was skeptical of him at first. No one could be that handsome and good. I soon came to find that he was a wonderful man, as was Edward. It got me thinking…could there ever be anything between us?


	3. Chapter 3

One day I was saying goodbye to Edward as he was off to school, when he mentioned it would've been his birthday today. I wished him a happy birthday. The wheels started rolling in my head. Even though he acted as though he was a man, he was barely turning 18.

I went to Carlisle's study and knocked on the door. "Come in," he said with a bit of reluctance in his voice.

"Carlisle, Edward told me its his birthday today. It's a pretty important day, don't you think?"

"Well, for us, we don't really keep track of such things."

"Well, I do and I would like to throw him a small party. Nothing too big, just us. What do you think?"

"I think that's very thoughtful of you. I know the perfect gift to get him."

"Alright, if your not busy do you think you could come into town with me and help me get decorations and the gift?"

"I'm not busy. I would love to help you out."

With that, Carlisle grabbed his jacket and we were off. Even though it was June, it was a bit cloudy so we were able to walk around town without worrying about the sun. I hoped June 20th would be a day Edward would always remember.

It gave me such joy to be able to throw a birthday party for him because I would never be able to do this for my own child. Walking along town, I got lost in my own thoughts. I had lost my child and now I had no hope of ever having a child of my own. I would never be able to experience the joy of motherhood. Carlisle noticed the expression on my face.

"Esme, what's wrong?"

He pulled me into a small alley way so we wouldn't be noticed.

"Oh, its nothing, really."

"I can tell by the look on your face that everything is not ok. If you could cry, I think you would be right now."

He pulled me into his arms and just held me.

"I'm sorry, it's just that I have always wanted a child of my own to do these things for and now Isabella is gone. Now that I have become a vampire, I have no chance of ever being a mother and having my own child."

He pulled away from me and held onto my shoulders. He looked at me and said, "I know how you feel. At first, I was extremely depressed. I thought so many times about all the things I would be missing out on such as having my own family. That is why I created Edward. He is my family, and I love him no less than if he were my own. I know exactly how you feel. It took me a while to come to terms with it. Don't ever be afraid to talk to me about this. That is what I'm here for."

"Carlisle, you always know what to say. I know it will take me a long time to get used to this lifestyle and the loss of Isabella. Thank you for being so patient."

"Come on, let's go shop"

We walked out of the alley way hand in hand and I felt so much better. I felt happier than I had in a while. We finished getting everything in town and left home to get everything set up.

I decorated the living room, dining room, and stair banister with crepe paper. Blue was Edward's favorite color and I decorated with different shade of blue.

I could hear the front door open and Edward called out, "Esme, are you here? What's Carlisle's car doing here?"

"Happy Birthday!" we yelled.

The look was priceless. I think if I could have cried, I would.

A mahogany piano stood before him with a big blue ribbon. There was a banner hanging in the corner of the room that said "Happy 18th Birthday, Edward!"

Edward was speechless. He just walked over to Carlisle and me and whispered, "Thank you so much, dad."

He said, "Your welcome, son."

He turned to me and gave me a big hug

"Esme, thank you so much. I know it was all your idea and I really appreciate it.

"Well, the party was my idea but your dad chose out your gift. I'm so happy you liked it."

I made him a cake as a symbolic gesture. He blew out the candles but we didn't eat the cake.

It was such a perfect day. I imagine that this is what a real family would be like.

Carlisle came into my room after Edward had gone to his room.

"Esme, I want to thank you for today. I'm not really good at these kind of things and I cant believe I didn't to think to celebrate his birthday."

"Its no problem at all. I feel like Edward is my son and I was happy to do it."

"I'm so glad you feel that way."

He leaned over and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"Well, good night Esme."

"Good night, Carlisle."

I went to my room and laid down, looking at the ceiling. I just laid there for the entire night, daydreaming about having a real family with Carlisle and Edward. I didn't know if that would happen, but I could hope.


	4. Chapter 4

Cold shoulder. Now I finally knew the meaning. It had been one month since Edward's birthday. Ever since then, Carlisle had been acting like a completely different person. He ignored me and would not even acknowledge I was there when I entered into a room.

I wanted so badly to reach inside and melt his cold heart but he wasn't letting me get any closer. It seemed like he was purposely doing this…like he was pushing me away for some reason. I really wanted to find out why.

Being a vampire in the summer, was far from fun. I wasn't permitted to go into town during the day when the sun was out so I wouldn't attract attention. Needless to say, I was getting pretty restless just staying on Carlisle's property all day long. I was ecstatic when he came home with some exciting news.

"Esme, the chief surgeon has asked me to host the annual hospital banquet here. Could I ask you for an enormous favor?"

"Of, course. What is it?"

"Well, I'm not much of a party-planner. Do you think you could take care of all the decorations and catering. I would gladly pay you for helping me throw this banquet."

"Oh, I would love to help. You wouldn't have to pay me, it would be my pleasure."

"Well, that settles it. I will have the money for you in the morning so you can begin with the planning. Let me know if you need anything."

"Alright."

I was thrilled to finally find something to occupy my time. I was also thrilled that Carlisle actually spoke to me in a civilized manner. The banquet was in one month, on August 20. I had so much to do and luckily I had nothing else to do so I could devote every second to my party planning. I had to go into town when the sun started to go down. I had to visit the florist, caterer, and any store I could think of to get decorations, table linens and other such things.

I wanted the house to look elegant. I really wanted it to be to Carlisle's taste so I didn't want anything to be over-done. I wanted to impress him, or at least get him to talk to me. The week of the banquet finally rolled around. I hadn't had much luck with getting Carlisle to warm up to me. I was so occupied preparing everything that I forgot to ask Carlisle if I was even invited and what our cover story was. How was I supposed to explain me living with Carlisle and his son? That would surely raise eyebrows and be cause for more gossip.

The day before the banquet arrived and I was so nervous. I hadn't been able to find the perfect dress. I had one day left so I had to really get it together. Edward came into the room and just stood there. I could tell he wanted to say something.

"Edward, honey, is something wrong?"

"No. I just wanted to give you some advice about Carlisle."

"Um. Ok, go ahead dear."

"He likes the color green so I got you something to wear. I hope you like it. "Let me go get it. It's in my room."

He returned with the most beautiful dress I had ever seen. It was emerald green. It was simple yet elegant…it was perfect.

"Edward, it's beautiful. I can't believe you got this for me."

"Well, a son's duty is to help his mother."

"Oh darling, thank you so much."

"Your welcome. I love you Esme."

"I love you too, honey."

I think that was the day I felt like a mother, like I knew where I belonged.

Edward took care of the dress so I didn't have to worry about much else. On the day of the banquet, we went hunting early so we could come back early to get ready. I took a shower and did my make up while my hair dried. It just occurred to me that I looked kind of plain. I didn't think to get any jewelry to go with the dress. Oh well, it was too late now.

I did my make up natural but I thought I looked nice. I did my hair in an elegant up-do. I put my dress on and admired myself in the mirror. I heard a knock at the door. Carlisle asked if he could come in.

"Yes of course," I replied.

He came in and just stared for a moment.

"Sorry. You look beautiful. There's just something missing."

I frowned. I thought I looked fine but apparently not good enough for him.

"Here's what's missing"

He took a black velvet box out of his pocket and handed it to me. Inside there were emerald and diamond earrings. They matched my dress perfectly and did complete my outfit.

I was completely shocked he would go through the trouble. I wasn't sure what to make of his gift. I wasn't sure if he gave it to me so I could wear it to impress his co-workers or for another purpose. Well, for know I didn't want to worry about it. I wanted to make the best out of our nice moment.

"Wow. I really don't know what to say. They're beautiful."

"They kind of reminded me of your eyes. They used to be green. And Edward helped since he chose out your dress. It always helps when you have a son who can read minds."

"Thank you. That was very thoughtful."

I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

He held out his arm and I took it.

"Are you ready to go meet our guests?"

"Yes I am. But first, I would like to get our story straight. What is our story? What have you told everyone at the hospital?"

"I told them we were married. That we have been married for eight months. That's how long you have been living with Edward and I. I told them it was a small, quiet wedding. They think Edward is my nephew, whom I have adopted. I told them he is my deceased sister's son. They were quite anxious for details but I was pretty vague. As long as we both have the basics down I think we'll be fine."

He grabbed my hand and we walked hand in hand to greet our guests.

As soon as the guests arrived, Carlisle practically ignored me. He was giving me the cold shoulder again. It really was quite difficult to keep up with his mood swings. One minute he was being sweet and giving me jewelry, and the next minute he was ignoring me. I expected him to be at my side, introducing me to his co-workers. I kept glancing at him to try to steal his gaze and give him a hint. When I finally caught his eye, he just turned away and put his hand on his female co-workers back. That was such a low blow. Well, two can play that game. If he thought he could make me jealous, well he had another thing coming.

I paid close attention to all the guests. I noticed a blond, very good-looking man having a bit of a disagreement with Carlisle. I took that as my cue.

"Carlisle, would you mind terribly if I borrowed your friend for a dance?"

"This is Joshua. He is a pediatrician."

"So, you work with children. That is amazing that you have the patience to care for children. Carlisle doesn't really have much patience for children. Well, Joshua, how about a dance?"

"I would be delighted."

As I walked away, I caught a glimpse of Carlisle's expression. He looked angry. Oh, well. He would have to control himself around his guests. I finally felt good about getting even with him for treating me this way for the past month or so.

I couldn't help, discreetly flirting with Joshua. I would throw my head back in laughter every moment I could. A slower song came on and I got closer to Joshua. I would whisper in his ear, even though I didn't feel comfortable. I knew this would drive Carlisle crazy.

The moment the dance was over, Carlisle came over. He looked like he was trying to hide his anger but I could tell it was there.

"Joshua, would you mind terribly if I borrowed my wife for a minute."

"Not all. After all she is your wife," he said, with a smug look on his face.

He grabbed me by the arm and practically dragged me to his study.

"Just tell me one thing…what the hell are you thinking?"

"I don't know what you mean?"

"Don't' play innocent with me, you know perfectly well what I'm talking about. Are you trying to make me look bad in front of my colleagues?"

"Your making yourself look bad. You're the one who has completely ignored me all night. So much for being your so-called wife."

He had me back up against the wall with his face about an inch from mine. I couldn't stop there though. No matter how angry he was, I wanted him to exactly what I thought.

"Carlisle, ever since Edward's birthday you have been so cold towards me. "You have ignored me. You don't even acknowledge me. I thought that all changed the moment you gave me those earrings but my mistake. I guess it was just a bribe to keep me in check and play your happy little wife."

He was so close to me I could feel his breath, strongly in my face. Any closer and our lips would be touching.

"I gave those earrings to you because I wanted to. I don't need a reason to give you something. I also don't have to explain any behavior to you. You live with me therefore it is your duty to play the role of my wife."

I could not believe he said it was my duty. I did the first thing that came to mind, so I slapped him.

He caught my hand just in time.

He pulled me even closer. I thought this was the moment our lips would touch. He lingered for a second then let me go and pulled away.

He gave me one last look and walked out of the room.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: This chapter is a bit short but that's why i'm putting it up so soon. Even though it's short, its crucial to the story.

This chapter is dedicated to all the readers. You keep me going with your awesome reviews! Enjoy!

My breathing was staggered. I felt as if I got the wind knocked out of me. I didn't know if I should remain in the study, go to my room, or go back outside with the guests. I knew we had a façade to maintain but I didn't know if I could keep it up, not after what just happened.

I think the reason I felt like this was because I realized I loved him but his feelings obviously weren't reciprocated. I put up with everything over the months because I thought there was a chance, even if it was a slight chance, that Carlisle and I would get together.

I put on brave face and went back with the guests. I loved him, no matter how much he pushed me away and I wanted to show him that.

The party went on without a hitch. His colleagues and boss all seemed to have enjoyed themselves. I was glad at least they enjoyed the party because Carlisle avoided me the rest of the night. I hoped no one suspected anything, but if they did it was all his doing so I had nothing to worry about.

When all the guests left I was eager for a warm bath so I went to my room. I came out in my bathrobe and was surprised to find Carlisle sitting on my bed.

"Esme, I really want to apologize for my behavior, not just tonight but for these past few months. I want to explain why I've been acting this way. When I was eighteen, I was in love with a girl named Pearl. She was seventeen, beautiful, and one of the kindest people I had ever met. She was an amazing girl. I remember it was a hot summer day and it was late at night. We were sitting under the tree in my parents' front yard. She told me she wanted to break up. She met someone else and wanted to give this other guy a chance. I was devastated. I loved her so much. That was night I was going to propose to her. I asked my mother for my grandmother's wedding ring, which she gladly gave me. I couldn't believe my sweet Pearl would do this to me."

"Carlisle I'm so sorry."

"Wait, let me finish. I haven't loved another woman since Pearl. I was so afraid because I was starting to have feelings for you. I kept thinking to my self, what if I fell for you but you found someone else? Could I really handle that happening again?"

"I would never do that to you. You're a strong person, you would have been able to handle it. You have been through so much, you would have been just fine. With that said, I'm not going anywhere."

As soon as the words were out of my mouth he pulled me close and gave me the sweet, wonderful, amazing kiss I had been waiting for all these months.

"I'm not going anywhere either. I think its finally time I ask you out on a date. How would you like to go out on a date with me this weekend?"

"I would absolutely love to. I cant wait."

"Alright. Well, I will see you in the morning. Good night."

"Good night."

He stopped in the doorway, turned, and said "By the way, you look amazing in that bathrobe."

I smiled and said, "Thank you."

Despite what I had thought, the night had actually turned out well. I was so glad to hear why Carlisle was treating me the way he was. I was ecstatic he had finally kissed me. What I couldn't help but wonder was exactly how he felt about me. I loved him and he said he had feelings for me but I wonder exactly what those feelings were.

I didn't want to be in love with someone who didn't share what I felt. I felt warm and completely safe with him. I hoped he didn't just like me for all the physical things. He looked too happy when he stood in the doorway and admired me in my bathrobe. I didn't want him to have luke-warm feelings for me when I had hot, passionate feelings for him. Oh, well. There wasn't anything I could really do. I would just have to wait and find out.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I am writing this story purely for fun. I am not a historian so please don't criticize me. I obviously didn't live in the 1920's so I have no idea what that era was about. I know great author's do research but I'm not a great author. I barely have time to update, so if I did research I wouldn't even have time to write. Sorry for my little rant, but please bear with me. I didn't get may reviews for the last chapter. The more I get, the faster I update so keep that in mind. Even a short review saying you liked it or a critique of something you didn't like would suffice. Enjoy!!!

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The weekend had finally arrived. This entire week had passed by so slowly for me. I had been waiting for months to go out on a date with Carlisle and the weekend had finally arrived. It was Friday and my date was tomorrow. I planned on going into town with Edward so he could help me pick something out to wear for the big date. Edward was such an amazing son and he was eager to see me and his father finally going out on a proper date. So eager, in fact, he was willing to go shopping with me.

Carlisle popped his head into my room on Friday morning.

"Esme, I wanted to take you some place very casual tomorrow night. There is no need to get all dressed up."

"Oh. Alright," I said a bit taken aback.

He smiled slyly and said, "Don't worry. You won't be disappointed."

"Don't worry, I trust you." I was secretly very curious to find out what his plans were. Unfortunately I knew Edward wouldn't ruin the surprise and tell me, no matter how much I begged him. I would just have to wait until tomorrow to find out Carlisle's big plans.

Edward and I went to the popular department store Buckley & Nunn. Our first dilemma was to find a suitable dress. Edward suggested I wear Carlisle's favorite color, which I agreed to. I chose an emerald green form-fitting skirt that went below the knee. I paired it with a beige collared shirt that was light and flowy. I got matching beige heels and an emerald green scarf to tie around the collar. I wanted to look casual yet elegant.

Saturday evening finally rolled around and my stomach was in knots. I didn't know what to expect from Carlisle. He had so many mood swings in the past, I didn't know how this date would play out. He had his reasons for his mood swings, but it still didn't allow me to forget they had occurred.

I was ready and waiting in my bedroom for Carlisle to come and get me. I heard a light knock at the door.

"Come in," I answered.

There he was standing in my doorway.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

He was dressed in kaki slacks, a light blue collared shirt, and a light grey buttoned-down sweater. He was dressed simply, but he looked amazing. I could just imagine what was underneath those clothes… Carlisle cleared his throat. He was looking at me with a quizzical look on his face.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm ready. Shall we go?"

"Yes." He held out his hand to me and we linked arms.

We walked out the front door and I started towards the car but he pulled me away. He led me towards the path to the weeping willow.

The view under the weeping willow was utterly breath-taking. There were little lights wrapped around the tree trunk as well as the ground. It looked as if the entire ground was covered in lightening bugs. In the middle of the twinkling lights, was a blanket set for a picnic. A romantic picnic under the stars…Carlisle had completely outdone himself. It was more than I expected…much more.

"Oh Carlisle, this is wonderful. Thank you."

"Your welcome."

He kissed my hand and led me to the blanket, where he helped me sit down. He sat across the blanket form me.

"I know we don't eat but I've seen many couples in the park on picnics. They sit there with each other, deep in conversation. They look so comfortable with one another. I thought we'd give it a try."

"That's very thoughtful of you."

"Esme, I wanted to ask you something. Are you glad I turned you into a vampire?"

"Do you want me to be honest?"

"Yes, of course." I couldn't help but notice a frown appear on his face.

"Well, at first I was very mad. My plan of being with my daughter had been ruined by you. But then I realized that even if I had succeeded, I wouldn't have been rejoined with my daughter. I would have been in purgatory and my daughter would have been in heaven. Suicides don't get to go to heaven. I realized you didn't condemned me, you saved me. I then started to wonder why you were so nice to me. I wondered if there was something you wanted in return for taking me in. I was angry because I thought you expected us to end up together. I was angry because I thought you wanted to take Zachary's place."

"Esme, I know how dear your husband is to you and I would never want to take his place. I understand that he is the love of you life. I won't pretend that I don't know that."

"I know that now. Now that I am a vampire there is no way I could back to him. I've come to terms with that fact. He was the love of my life, my human life. That life is on the past now and I cannot return to it. This is my life now. I quite enjoy living it with you and Edward. I have started a new chapter in my life and I want you and Edward to be characters in my story. That is, if that's all right with you."

"I want nothing more than to start a new life with you. I didn't think I could love another since Pearl. But I do love you. I know how absurd it sounds, since we have only known each other a few months but I love you. You are such a kind, nurturing, strong, beautiful woman. You are the missing piece to the puzzle. You complete Edward and I. I hope I didn't scare you with my rambling. If I did, I apologize."

"Not at all. I love you too. I thought I was crazy for falling in love with you so fast. I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels that way."

I heard a rustling in the trees. "Carlisle, I hear something in the trees over there. What is it?"

"It's nothing. Don't worry about it."

At that moment I heard soft music playing. Playing on the record player was one of my favorite songs. I knew the rustling in the trees was Edward's doing. It was very thoughtful of him to help his father out.

_Intro:  
Everything went wrong,  
And the whole day long  
I'd feel so blue.  
For the longest while  
I'd forget to smile,  
Then I met you.  
Now that my blue days have passed,  
Now that I've found you at last -  
{end intro}_

Carlisle stood up and held out his hand to me. I took it without a moment's hesitation. This man was being so romantic. No one had ever done anything like this for me.

_I'll be loving you always  
With a __love__ that's true always.  
When __the things__ you've planned  
Need a helping hand,  
I will understand always._

Always.

_Days may not always be fair,_

_That's when I'll be there always.  
Not for just an hour,  
Not for just a day,  
Not for just a year,  
But always.  
_

_I'll be loving you, oh always  
With a __love__ that's true always.  
When the things you've planned  
Need a helping hand,  
I will understand always.  
Days may not be fair always,_

Always.

Days may not be fair always,  
That's when Ill be there always.  
Not for just an hour,  
Not for just a day,  
Not for just a year,  
But always.

_Not for just an hour,  
Not for just a day,  
Not for just a year,  
But always._

We were dancing under the stars, surrounded by twinkling lights.

He held me close and whispered into my ear "I love you, Esme."

"I love you, too."

He pulled me closer and pressed his lips into mine. It felt like a spark of electricity had passed through us. I jumped back, a bit startled. We both began laughing.

"That was strange. Shall we try this again?" He asked.

He kissed me cautiously this time, waiting for the strange surge of electricity to flow between us again. However, it did not happen. When Carlisle felt confident it would not occur, he deepened the kiss ten-fold. I had never experienced a kiss like this before, and wondered if Carlisle had felt the same.

The song ended and we sat back down on the blanket. Carlisle laid down next to me and just stared up into the sky. I laid down next to him. He took my hand in his and said, "I've been waiting for someone like you to come along. I no longer feel like I'm incomplete. I don't know if this sounds awkward, but you do complete me."

I kissed his cheek and put my hands on his chest. I didn't feel the need to say anything. We just lay there in each other's arms, looking up at the stars.

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A/N: The song in this chapter is called Always and was written by Irving Berlin and performed by Sarah Vaughn and Billy Eckstine . There are many different versions of this song, but the one I imagine them dancing to is this one in particular. I recommend you guys take a listen!

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	7. Chapter 7

Hey everyone, sorry it took so long to write this chapter. I was busy with school and family but i will try and get back on track and update more often.

As always, reviews are very much appreciated!!! Hope you like it!

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Carlisle and I picked up the picnic stuff and walked towards the house. We put the stuff down in the living room, which was empty. I assumed Edward was in his room to give us privacy. Carlisle held out his hand to me and said, "May I walk you to your door."

"I would be delighted," I replied.

When we got to the entrance of my room he stopped to face me, with my hand still in his.

"Esme, I had a wonderful. I hope you did, too."

He looked at me with such a hopeful look. How could he not know I had an amazing time? In one swift movement, I pulled him close and gave him a sweet, short kiss.

"Does that answer your question?"

"Yes it does. I will see you in the morning. Good night."

"Good night."

I went to my room and took a shower thinking about everything that had happened. I had already been with the Cullen's for six months. It was going to be one year since Isabella died. I was trying not to think about it. I had a few days before the anniversary of her death was here, and I didn't want to overwhelm myself before the day was here.

I was extremely lucky to have found a family like the one I had now. I almost lost everything…my entire world collapsed but I found an amazing family. I felt so grateful but at the same time I felt guilty. I had no idea how Zachary was doing. I wondered how he was taking my supposed death so soon after Isabella's death. I didn't want to dwell on the past. I wanted to move forward with my new family, with the love of my life…Carlisle.

The weekend came and went. I was glad Carlisle finally opened up to me. That helped us to get closer. He was very affectionate and loving towards me now. We spent our weekend plating flowers in the garden and even sat on the porch. That was my favorite part of the weekend. He just held me in his arms and I felt so safe. I could have stayed there forever. Unfortunately for me, Monday night arrived and Carlisle was off to work. It seemed like an eternity when he was gone.

The morning came and I headed down stairs when I guessed Carlisle would arrive home. The moment he walked through the door, I could tell something was wrong. He walked over to me and stood in front of me. I could tell he didn't want to tell me whatever it was that was wrong.

"Carlisle, you're scaring me. What's wrong?"

"Esme, I'm just going come out and say this… Zachary died today. He tried to commit suicide and he was successful. He hung himself in his home. I'm so sorry."

"What, I cant believe it." The room felt like it was spinning around me. I had to get out of that house. I started running. I ran to my place of solace and comfort…the weeping willow. I was so shocked, I didn't know what to think. I fell on my knees and just felt so strange…like the wind got knocked out of me, except I didn't actually need air. I just felt so overwhelmed that I couldn't think.

I don't know how long I was under the weeping willow. It must've been hours because the sun had gone down and had started to come up. I must've been outside for a whole day but I hadn't even realized it. I saw the sun rising and it was strange to imagine that the sun was still rising even though Isabella and Zachary were no longer here with me. It had been a year since Isabella died. Zachary had killed himself on the anniversary of her death.

I felt so guilty. Instead of staying with him and the both of us helping each other through this, I left him to deal with his sorrow all alone. It was all my fault Zachary was dead. I thought about myself and how I was feeling and didn't even stop to think how this was affecting him.

With this realization, I was so overwhelmed. I screamed and dry sobs escaped my lips. I just lay under the weeping willow curled in a ball. I couldn't find the strength to move. I heard footsteps approach me but I couldn't move. I couldn't even find the strength to turn my head to see who it was. The next thing I knew, I felt Carlisle's arms around me and lift me up. He carried me into my room and laid me down on my bed.

Carlisle's POV

I came back an hour later to check on Esme. She was in the exact same spot as I had left her. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I should leave her alone and give her space or if I should go in and comfort her.

Against my better judgment, I went inside to comfort her. I had no idea what I was going to do or say but I wanted to show her I was here for her. I laid down next to her on my side. I whispered in her ear, "I can't even imagine what you're going through right now but I want you to know that I'm here for you."

She turned away from me, which I took as a sign that she wasn't ready to talk. I started to get up to leave but she stopped me and said, "Wait. Please don't go. Will you stay with me?"


	8. Chapter 8

Carlisle's POV

I turned in the doorway to face Esme. I paused as I contemplated my choices. I could leave her here alone to handle her own problems but I knew that wouldn't be the best idea. Most men are not good with handling their emotions, and I certainly am not excluded from this. I knew I couldn't actually turn my back on her now, not when she needed me the most. I had to put my own weaknesses aside and help her through this.

"Of course I will. As long as you need me, I will be here."

She sighed with relief and laid back down. I laid next to her and held her hand in mine. We laid like this for a few day, changing positions whenever Esme got tired of laying in the same one. On the fourth day of our seclusion in her room, I decided to leave for a few minutes to shower and change my clothes.

"Esme, dear, I am going to freshen up. I'll be back in a few minutes. Maybe you should shower, too."

I returned a few minutes later and found her in the same position as I left her, with a vacant expression on her face. I picked her up in my arms and took her to the bathroom. I turned the water on and put her down, clothes and all. After a few minutes I could see her expression change. Instead of the vacant expression she previously had, it was replaced by one I had never seen before. It was such a pained expression I had never seen it before. It hurt to look at her.

After a minute, she finally spoke, "It's all my fault Zachary is dead. I am the most selfish person I know. If I hadn't been so caught up in my own grief, if I had actually asked Zachary how he was feeling, he might still be alive. But no, I was so selfish I tried to take my own life even though I still had Zachary. He had to endure losing both his daughter and his wife. How could I have put him through that, so soon after Isabella's death?"

"Esme, listen to me. I have never lost a child but I do know it is not your fault. Your carried that child in you for nine months and then had to endure the loss. There are no words to describe how you are feeling right now but you should not feel guilty. Zachary tried his best to hang in but he just wasn't able to. People handle things differently but it is not your fault. Do you understand?"

A dry sob escaped her lips. I wasn't so sure I got my point across but I tried my best. She was shaking so much I stepped in the shower with her and just held her for a while. When it was time to get out, I picked her up again and carried her to her bed. I got some clothes for her and laid them next to her, hoping I wouldn't have to dress her.

She just nodded so I left the room and closed the door, leaving it slightly ajar. She came out after a few minutes and said, "I'm so sorry if I was such a chore or if I scared you. I'm feeling a little bit better. Thank you for staying with me.

"Of course. I will always be here for you."

She gave me a small smile and said, "Thank you."

We went onto the living room where Edward was patiently waiting for us. He had a nervous look on his face.

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Edward's POV

As Esme and Carlisle entered the living room, I was a bit nervous. I didn't want to say something to upset her so I just go to the point.

"Esme, I wrote you a song. I hope this makes you feel better."

I began playing her song on the piano which I named weeping willow because of the tree she loved so much. Even if it made her happy for one minute, I wanted so badly to make it happen. When I was finished I walked over her and gave her a hug said, "I love you mom. I know you're going through a tough time right now but I know it will get better. I know it may not seem like that but it will. I hoped you liked it."

"Edward, that was so beautiful. I cannot believe you wrote me a song. I am so sorry I have been such an awful mother these past few days. I'm sure I gace you and your father quite a fright. I know I have the both of you to help me through this. I am much better now and you both helped me so much. I am so lucky to have the both of you in my life."

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Esme's POV

The following evening I was in my bedroom when I heard a knock at the door. I opened it to find a man with a work uniform.

"Yes? Can I help you?," I asked.

"Are you Mrs. Cullen?"

"Yes I am."

"Could you sign here please?"

I signed and followed him outside. There were a few workers waiting for the other man's orders. Once he gave the ok they began unloading bags of soil and fertilizer. Another truck pulled up and began unloading many different kinds of potted plants.

Carlisle joined us and said, "I thought it would be a nice family project to liven up the yard with a garden. I have wood and bricks coming so we can make a path the weeping willow and put a bench under it."

"I cannot believe you did this all for me. You are the best husband. Thank you. I love you so much," I said as I leaned in to give him a kiss.

Edward joined us on the porch at that moment and said, "Ew, can't you both control your thoughts?"

We both looked sheepishly at each other and Carlisle said, "Sorry, son."

Edward decided to help the workers, while Carlisle and I remained on the porch just holding each other.

I felt so safe in his arms. I knew I wasn't completely better and that it would take time to heal. I was glad for this project. It was a welcome distraction and I was so grateful to Carlisle. I felt like this garden could help me start a new beginning.

A saying by Abram L. Urban popped into my head:

_In my garden there is a large place for sentiment. _

_My garden of flowers is also my garden of thoughts and dreams. _

_The thoughts grow as freely as the flowers, and the dreams are as beautiful. _

I wanted to become whole again. To get back to the place where I once was happy. For my thoughts to be filled with dreams and what I wanted for the future. To actually believe that some of the things I wanted were actually possible. I want to be able to feel about. To not be emotionless, or worse yet, numb. I knew it would be a long time before I got to this place, but I was going to make it my goal to try.


End file.
